In a little over a month, I’ll be celebrating my birthday and this is one of those times when I can’t help but look back on how much has changed for the past years. I realized that as much as there are times that I gave in and said yes to opportunities, to new experiences and to new challenges, there were also an equal number of times when I just second guessed myself, thought that I and my skills weren’t enough and that for things to be less complicated I can just simply say no. So in line with this realizations that I had, I would like to list all those times when I just let opportunity slipped through my grasp to serve as a reminder that for anyone to believe in me, I should first believe in myself.

When I Didn’t Join The Volleyball Team

This was one of those earliest regrets in my life, I was in junior high school when I got the offer to join the school’s varsity team and because I didn’t believe in myself enough, I just said no, without thinking—just like that, I said I’m not good—the dream was over.

When I Decided To File an LOA For My Masters Degree

I was taking up my Masters in Clinical Psychology while working in an IT company, I finished all my academic subjects, research and internship— but until now I’m currently on leave of absence because I’m too scared to start my thesis and go through the grueling stage of researching, studying and interviewing. I just really feel that I have wasted so many months not thinking about it, that I don’t know if I can still come up with a study that’s worth reading.

When I Didn’t Start A Blog Earlier

I have always wanted to write for the longest time, I enjoyed all those essay writing in school but I didn’t apply for the high school newsletter. I tried and got in when I was a freshman in college, I became one of the senior news writer for the college newspaper until my third year, I quit on my 4th year because I thought I wasn’t good enough and that there were many others that had the same potential as me or even more. Although I quit, the drive was always been there, this blog may be a tad bit too late but I’m just so happy that I have this little space in the blogosphere where I can express and share my God-given talent without me second guessing myself.

When I Didn’t Voice Out My Feelings

One of the biggest things that I am still currently working on is this—I should really learn how to vent out my feelings and voice out my concerns when needed. I have always thought that my opinions don’t matter, but now, I am trying to create a habit  where I think about what I say and I say it with full conviction without crossing anyone but making sure that my message was delivered across.

When I Didn’t Let Go Soon Enough

The past years have been a whirlwind of emotions, I was going through a heartbreak, betrayal and failure and this was during those times that I was experiencing the quarter life crisis, as people would call it. I felt that I have wasted so many years holding on to something that will never happen anymore, to something that was now in the past, to something that doesn’t make me happy anymore. I was holding on to the slightest bit of hope, and while I was holding on to that, I’m starting to lose myself, slowly, gradually.

Until one day, I just woke up, grateful, that I don’t feel a tinge of urge to hold on to something that was not even there anymore. For the longest time, I declined and have been declining all the opportunities for my life to be better, but not anymore, especially, not today and in the near future, this time, I will not be holding back thinking that there will be someone or something that can be or may be affected with whatever decision I have. This time all that matters is me and all the people that were there for me through it all.

Looking back at all those times I said no in life will not bring back the opportunities that was lost, but I know, it will help me be aware and be always reminded that from now on, I should stop overthinking my skills and undermining my abilities and just start doing what I really love, stating what I really feel go and just do what my heart and mind wants me to do. I’m getting one year older soon it’s high time to start getting wiser and fiercer as well.